Procrastination

I’m sort of hesitant to list what I managed to get done today, because it’s a healthy admission of my degree of procrastination. I caught a horrible cold last week and worked through it from M-W, but crashed hard on Thursday. I worked Friday morning and left before I got everyone sick (I hope). Saturday was for playing and I didn’t get a single thing on the yucky list, done. 

Suffice it to say, Sunday was a shitty reminder of what a professional procrastinator I am. 

The ground thawed enough to allow me to pull my favorite stakes out of the garden, and drag in all the good hoses. All the tools. All the sprinklers. You know what prompted me to get out there and get my shit together? 

Snow flakes. 🙂 I don’t know why that surprises me, considering it’s DECEMBER. 

I cleaned up the playhouse (again) and put the toys away. The Dumpling had drug everything back out a few weeks ago and it’s all been sitting in the rain as I drove in and out from work, groaning every time I realized I still hadn’t dealt with it. I’m pretty sure the play food is a solid block of felt, ice and dirt… but at least it isn’t frozen to the ground, right? These are the surprises of single parenthood. Will I be remaking all those little fruits and vegetables? All signs point to yes. 

I put the patio table and chairs away. Which was a fucking nightmare. I loathe asking for help unless I am absolutely forced to, so I did it the hard way. The chairs were fairly easy. Four stack, but two are bitches that swing around and smack you from the wheelbarrow. The real delight came with the table. I quickly gave up trying to drag or slide it, and took it apart. The giant glass tabletop barely survived the journey, and I am a few new colors as a result. It was as unpleasant as you can imagine. Hmph. I did it though. 

I’m trying not to be sad, but I am. So I’m elbow deep in dead tansy, thistle and mud. Trying not to cry when the stupid cord thingy pulls all the way out of the rototiller and sits there, instead of starting it. 

I’m beyond frustrated, on every level. Sick of it. Annoyed. God damn tired of doing everything myself and ready to start throwing things.

Which is when my beloved rototiller decided to make my day a little easier and just start. Doug is the most reliable thing in my life. I can leave him for months (as in June until today) without attention (or gas) and as soon as I fill his tank and pull- he’s on his way back to the barn. Just when I needed a break… 

The exterior flood lights went out last week so I had to drag the scary ladder out and climb up on the roof. Not my favorite, but especially three times in a row because the bulbs were bad. I’m relieved the one facing the driveway is fixed. It’s the small things, y’all. 

I braved Walmart and did my grocery shopping with the other 8,000 people that thought it’d be slow. It was not. We got our picture taken with Santa whilst searching for floodlight bulbs. The Dumpling was not impressed, but did ask that I not tell Santa she hadn’t listened when I’d nicely asked her to clean up. He was complaining about the Romaine shortage so we got a candy cane and left. 

I had the grave misfortune of being in the line with a minor cashier so I abandoned my beer instead of waiting. Walmart never ceases to find new ways to piss me off. 

I made dinner, bathed the Dumpling AND hauled 4 giant boxes of Christmas decorations in while she was in the bathtub. 

I unpacked one box of snowmen, santas and lights. I searched desperately through the other 3…. and I still can’t find that godforsaken Elf on the Shelf doll. I’m running out of excuses and I can’t believe I can find the box, her book and all the optional clothes… just not the damn elf. Ugh. 

It’s the 3rd, y’all… she’s going to kindergarten today to hear all about everyone else’s damn elves, and our girl Hallie is a no show. I refuse to buy another one, but I’m damn close to caving and overnighting the overpriced decoration before the questions get more pointed. 

Ohhhhh and it’s Monday with the hot new guy, so the pajamas I really want to wear to work are out of the question AND I have to put stupid makeup on. Me and my bright ideas. 

I put things off until the very last millisecond, was able to get it all done without too much suffering, and woke up to snow this morning. Which does nothing to curb my Olympic level procrastination.

Terribly Empathetic

Quote from Nora, episode #49 “Sometimes I think the hidden key to empathy is just humility and curiosity. It’s just saying, hmm, I don’t get that… tell me more?” Write about your empathy. Where do you struggle to feel empathetic? To yourself? To someone who gets under your skin? What comes easy to you where empathy is concerned? #TerribleWritingClub

My beloved Grandma Elaine was the source of this overabundance of empathy. She cried at every commercial. She hugged every stranger. She taught us all to love every single person that crossed our path and celebrate every minute of the day. She gave us a shining example of the joy that comes from investing your heart in everything and everyone. Oh and the sorrow… because she grieved the loss of everything. From a dish that was a gift once upon a time, to her beloved mama, whose passing she grieved EVERY day. My Grandma was the best version of love I’ve ever seen and I’m quite a bit like her. 

Some of my best friends have lost their furry children in the past week. Long-standing animal friends that have been part of every Easter party and camping trip since the beginning of time. I can hardly even think about Nikita Webster, my favorite pitbull… being gone. I had to call my dear Ruby and cry with her about it. I can feel her pain and I wish so much I could ease it. Same goes for Burton Newlove. My shih tzu nephew. I can’t remember a time he wasn’t around and my best friend became a mother when she adopted him. He was her first born and my heart is broken alongside hers. I had to hold my breath while the phone rang when I called her, because I didn’t even know where to begin to comfort her poor heart. 

I take on every bit of pain from the people I love. It’s just my way. I’m absolutely the friend you want sitting beside you in a shitty situation, because I’ll cry the tears you can’t and fight the wars you won’t. 

I’m the one that will help you bury the body. #sorrynotsorry

The same goes for the high points in life. New love, weddings, babies… I treasure that shit. I celebrate my friends’ good days as much as my own. Miss Lovely is swimming in new love and it’s fabulous! I can feel her nervous hesitation too, and do my part to talk her out of  her brakes. It’s a safe place to hit the gas and I’m also the friend that talks you into having faith in love. Life is short and love is grand. Go for it. It’s worth the gamble and if it doesn’t work out, I’ll be there right beside her until it does.

Aside from a handful of assholes, I feel empathetic towards everyone. I treasure people who believe differently than me because they teach me new things. I’ve gotten comfortable making friends out of past enemies and I don’t hold many grudges anymore. Everyone has their own struggle and you can’t ever assume you know how hard it is by the smile on someone’s face. I’m really good at smiling through suffering and I recognize it in other people as well. 

Tis the season to be a nice person and consider other people before yourself. Empathy doesn’t cost a thing. Gift that. Spread that shit around. ♥