Another Beautiful Day In Chaos

sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't…

Moving Forward

I’ve wasted a year of my life pretending to be a sad little puddle. I’m all for optimism, but this is where being stubborn to a fault bites me in the ass. Regardless of the mixed signals he drowns me in, I should have loved myself enough to walk away from the pain of it all… a LONG time ago. The sight of him pains me and touching him is […]

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On a rainy day by the sea, my beautiful Anthony was laid to rest. Work, motherhood and heartache kept me from wanting to be there in person. I spoke to his mother in the dark hours of the morning yesterday when she forgot the time difference, wanted to call and tell me how much she wished I were there and to remind me how much he loved me. It’s the […]

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It’s been a long fucking week. I’ve been painting a happy face on and going through the motions all day, only to come home and freeze, entirely. The dishes have piled up, the washing machine stands silent and my bathroom sink reminds me of the gas station. My silent phone haunts me because I feel such a huge absence of Anthony. Even his daily infernal text message: A- Good morning […]

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Repost: My Favorite Bookmark

Eight years ago, my beloved friend wrote this for me. I found it yesterday in the archives while I was looking for something else. I haven’t checked if his links connect to anything and some of it may be scandalous as hell, but it’s such an incredible reminder to tell your friends and family how much you love about them, and why. Write it down. It may be all they […]

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Why sugar coat it? If the shoe fits… he should have to wear ’em both. I am so fucking sick of being toyed with, led on and tormented that I’m about to punch him in the ballsack. If I don’t get to play with it, neither should he. I- You know what sounds good? Indeed I do…. but I’m not going near that with a 10 foot pole. J- Yeah, […]

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