Another Beautiful Day In Chaos

sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't…

If you’re not Brazillian…

Don’t wax like one. If you never listen to another thing I say, ever again, fine… but trust me on this one. Avoid it at all costs. A friend of mine was getting married, and she insisted I go with her to the spa for the day. I’m not a huge fan of strangers touching my naked body- but oh well- one must always do what the bride wants. It’s […]

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Straight lines, please.

I dated a guy who was bi-curious once. I tried to be as supportive as I could be. Literally. He bought me a strap on… oh boy… WTF kind of thank you note do you write for that one? Dear Boyfriend, never in my 31 years has anyone bought that for me before. Thank you- I was completely surprised. Here’s to the Fifth of Grey Goose that will get you […]

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I ♥ being Catholic

My goodness… I’m torn. I have to admit, wholeheartedly that I love being Catholic… but for different reasons than most. I love the kneelers (and get your minds out of the gutter…) I love the act of kneeling to pray. I think it’s humble… respectful… archaic and… sort of sexy… <sorry… but I know you’re not shocked> I love that I always know the moves… and the songs. They change […]

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Talk to me…

Confession… I’m a pushover for a filthy mouth. With the exception of that whole “who’s your daddy” bullshit. My daddy’s name is Greg… and he lives in Utah- and I don’t want to think about him when I’m having sex. Ever. Ew. I realized this weakness from my first multiple orgasm boyfriend.  The average was 3 and the first time it happened because he started talking to me. Who knew […]

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Head Doctor

Head Doctor: A woman who has retained a P.H.D. in oral sex. and it’s something I feel very passionate about. I have many girlfriends who do not reciprocate orally. Which is really shitty, if you ask me. If you expect your man to please you orally… (and who doesn’t, seriously?) then you sure as hell better be down for doing the same. If you’re not? He should hold out on […]

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