The clincher.

This crush on Mr. Flintstone has me preoccupied… so I’ve decided this whole internet dating fiasco is pointless. I’d rather be happily single than consider pathetic replacements.  Dammit…ignorance IS bliss. 🙂

I can’t imagine what I was ever thinking… accepting so little, for 7 years. I’m delighted because I remember that it can be  really really good. Better than I imagined. 🙂

If I’ve learned one thing from internet dating, it’s that being alone is really pretty fun. Hanging out with a weirdo is just awful, no matter what. When you consider the two, I’d rather dance alone naked to Madonna in my living room… than be spoiled rotten by a lame guy. I want an amazing man. Someone funny, & cute…with big feet. Thoughtful… with a nasty imagination. The man who ruins a brand of cologne for me… because I can’t ever smell it again without thinking about him. That guy.

Not exactly what you see on Match.com… huh? So… I’m done. I went in to close the whole thing out today, and had another email…

Oh Miss Cupcake Beautie,

Please write too me lol. Are you nervous? I been tryin to think what to say about going out. I hope you don’t think i’m lame but got a dui back in nov. I got my license back n everything but my punishment is 60 days of electronic home monitoring. Means I can’t really go anywhere but takin kids to school n grocery shoppin n stuff. I have a little gps bracelet on my ankle that tracks me for another 4 weeks ugh. You probaly think i’m a loser now n won’t ever talk to me again lol but am honest to a fault. Just made a bad choice to drive home from a friends bday party. I haven’t even drank in 5 weeks now not sure if I will again am pretty happy n real healthy just taking care of kids when I have them n home life. Wow i’m writin a book sorry lol. Anyway I have nice home n am very good cook if you wanted to meet me here. Otherwise we’ll have to wait a few weeks if you think you can lol. I’ll give you my phone n email if you’d rather talk that way or if not thats ok too.  Hope to hear from you soon n tell me what you think of whole thing k? TTYS. Steven

I’d cry if I wasn’t laughing so hard. Just when you need it the most, God sends you confirmation that you’re making the right choice. Who the hell gets on the internet to date when they’re on house arrest?  I give the guy points for being honest… but where do you go from there? Yeah… I’ll be the idiot who goes to the home of a stranger I met on the internet for our first date, because he can’t leave due to his “electronic monitoring device”.

I’ve officially heard it all… and seen it all… and consequently…

I want it all. None of which is at Steven’s house. 🙂


Tomato inferno…

I’ve never planted into black plastic before. If you ever wanted to know how hot hell just might be, plant 112 tomatoes in the dead hot sun… into black plastic. I look like a little lobster, cute little red yoga pants and all. I have a ton of work this week & this is my only day in my own garden so I’m racing to get everything planted.

Ta-Da!! They’re in!

Well… not all of them… but half. My gosh… you would think my family would have scheduled an intervention already.

The wretched hoop house is finally up. I had to literally fight this thing to get it up, lol…

The only picture of me during this nightmare project is the very definition of false advertisement. This was the most unpleasant thing I’ve ever done in my life. Ugh.

I tilled in some rabbit manure, Tomato Tone (on the left side only) and two bags of compost. I planted one of each of the 23 varieties I’m growing this year, along with peppers & basil and I’m amazed how much they grew overnight.


Mr. Flintstone…

Who knew how liberating it could be to embrace every single fabulous inch of your sexuality? After getting out of a long term relationship I think it can be hard to remember what it was to be… you. There’s nothing like a solid reminder.

Remember what you used to be? Just you? Without the oppression of a partner you don’t want to be with anymore? Without the guilt- or the obligation?  Just you- whatever you want to be?  A fresh start, a clean slate.The opportunity to change your life. To be happy 🙂 I have a few suggestions for my favorite girls… my favorite women.

Shave… put on a dress, wear heels, lipstick,  perfume. Exercise the many blessings of being born a girl. I admit I’m ultra feminine- while being quite capable with power tools (with the exception of the circular saw- which scares the shit out of me 🙂 ) I’d be so damn mad if all I had were different variations of solid & striped shirts to choose from. We get pink- and polka dots… rhinestones and cute little strappy back dresses with matching strappy shoes. Fishnet thigh highs and lace up corsets. Lingerie for days… in any and every color we want. Men have the most pathetic assortment of lingerie. Boxers? Tighty-Whiteys? Or cute little elephant trunk cock stocking. Choices, choices.

You can approach any new opportunity fearfully- bound by insecurities born of your past- or you can just live it. After all- do you think you will regret the things you did or the things you were too afraid to do?

I went for it… Jumped in with both feet… and learned a few lessons.Because after all- I never do anything the easy way… and what fun would it be if there weren’t a few painful lessons in there too? Pain isn’t always bad.

1. You determine the value people place on you. If you accept anything- they offer you less. If you respect yourself and expect more- people either give it to you or they don’t bother you to begin with. Phenomenal way to meet great people and a hell of a way to weed out the assholes, if you ask me. Just be aware that if you lower your expectations- you are going to suffer a little… it’s only natural. The same thing happens when you raise them. It pisses off the people accustomed to taking advantage of you.

2. It’s important to recognize when you’re jumping WAY outside of your norm. There are consequences- chances are you will not have the heart for some of it- which isn’t a bad thing. It’s OK to be sensitive- and it’s really really ok to be a little regretful when reality hits. Roll the dice if you will – but know there’s a cost for rolling them. Go ahead and cry about it… tears are healthy- call me if you need a shoulder – I’ll understand.

3. Embrace your inner slut- she’s a hell of a lot of fun and it doesn’t make you a bad person. I’m not encouraging you to run out and be one- just embrace her- and let her spice up your life a little. Don’t get carried away- there’s nothing at all attractive about a girl that gets around and I think if you run out of digits to count your conquests- you need to slow your roll.  I can still count mine on my fingers, thankyouverymuch.

4. If it sounds like a bad idea, and it feels like it’s probably a bad idea… it might actually be the best idea you ever had. 🙂 It may hurt at some point- but trust me… it may be very very worthwhile at other times. Roll those dice… blame me.You won’t ever regret it- I promise.

5. You are a girl- your mama’s baby. Be gentle with your heart- and remember that girlie feelings are ridiculous to navigate and more fragile than butterfly wings- there’s no right answer, and we all feel insecure. Damn Cosmopolitan. We all need 20 new tips to wow a man, every month? Seriously? I’m confident in my game- they can keep those scary emaciated boy-girls. I love a woman with thighs and I don’t bat for both teams. Nothing is attractive about a hungry woman. Love your body- love yourself.

6. Ride it like you stole it. You only live once. Make it count. 😛


With a name like blodsukr…

what do you expect? This is what his profile says:

OK, I have been trying this online dating stuff for about 2 years, but every time I meet a girl winter comes along and I get the itch to just stay inside all winter and play World of Warcraft. For some reason all the girls I have dated seem to feel that I am neglecting them when this happens. It’s not that I don’t like them, I just need to have the mental stimulation of WOW … so it usually ends up with them finally dumping my dumb butt and me feeling bad … but still playing WOW anyway. So I figured I would now try to meet some like minded ladies who also love WOW, but to be honest, my chances are probably close to nil since I am older then the average gamer … but still young at heart!

Heavens to Betsy. I think I’ve actually heard it all… lol 🙂


Am I missing something?

The saga continues. I emailed my marshmallow customer to thank him for the kind email and let him know I’m not interested.

“Awww thanks!  Yes, we’re looking for different things- but I’m flattered nonetheless.

J”

I hoped it was nice but also clear. In the hopes I wouldn’t have to deal with this guy being flirty-weird towards me this market season. Damn it. This is what came back:

“Well good. You deserve to be flattered since your smile and eyes can melt most men, myself included. I like what you said too about growing a set, I did learn that the hard way. I was the by-product of a family with five older sisters, with a strong mom and weak dad. It is incredibly freeing to free that wild man inside of me. You would probably like David Deida’s book The Way of the Superior Man. It is the only required reading in our Sandpoint Men’s Group. Although you may like the book he wrote to women even more, called Dear Lover.

M”

For fucks sake. I’m half tempted to write him back and tell him I’m friends with his ex-wife, just to get the point across. He is 48, 5’5″ and around 220 lbs. I don’t get where this unhealthy level of self confidence comes from. Seriously. It’s the equivalent of me flirting with an 18 year old boy.

This whole internet dating thing has gotten downright depressing.