30 Days of Truth, Day 3

30 Days of Truth, Day 3- Something you have to forgive yourself for.

This is some sort of blog torture… I have plenty to forgive myself for… and seeing as I’m feeling penitent… I figure a list works better than anything, right?

  • I have to forgive myself for buying my kids those stupid Nintendo DS things. I read constantly as a kid and every time I see my daughter playing on it I realize she would be reading if I hadn’t bought it. Big over-achiever mom thing- and I should forgive myself- she loves it- and we have fun playing with it together too.
  • I have to forgive myself for wasting 7 years on a dirty hippie. I’m a die-hard optimist… and am too accepting. I had picket fences in mind and he was more focused on a guerrilla grow. It was doomed from the beginning- but I should forgive myself for being responsible for those lost years. We are both responsible. Actually no, it’s his fault.
  • I have to forgive myself, yet again, for not planting more carrots & beets. I’m only one person- I can only plant so much… but I kick myself every year for not planting more.
  • I have to forgive myself my complete and total lack of judgment this weekend… because I’ve been put to extreme levels of sexual frustration in the last few months- and hate me for saying it- but it was damn good sex and I feel a million times better. So there. Hate me. Does it really matter at this point?
  • I have to forgive myself for planting more than I could take care of. It’s given me back my body though- and I’m completely addicted to exercise as a result… so if you think about it… the garden has extended my life expectancy and improved my sex life. Three cheers for the gym!

So I have more than a few things… in fact I could keep going but I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t go out and pick the tomatoes that ripened today, because they’d be gone after tonight.

and then I’d have to make a whole new list… 🙂

Sweet 16,000

I realized this morning that my blog has been viewed over 16,000 times. I have a few different reactions to that…

Panicked… since you’ve read along with me accepting my PHD, learning that I should avoid my favorite beverage, actually I’ve learned the Goose lesson a few times in the last few year. Here… and yet again. I told you,  I never learn the easy way. Isn’t the hard way more fun anyway?

Bitchy… though I’ve quit whining so much since I shook the dirty hippie.

Proud… of my son and daughter, and of myself, because it’s been a long year.

Relieved… because you’ve been there for me through the worst relationship of my life. Trying to love himtrying to leave himlearning how to stand up for myself… and finally, outing him as the shitbag he really is. Most of all I’m relieved it’s over.

Humble…You’ve had unlimited patience for my heathen ass lately… my learning to love being single… and a little slutty. You haven’t even thrown rocks at me when I’ve realized how blind I’ve been. Even when I whine about it.

Flexible… I’ve been brown and blonde… I like blonde better.

Embarrassed… because you’ve seen me through the nightmare that is Internet Dating, and there are so many bad dates to recount it’s funny.

Shy… because I’ve admitted to liking some scandalous shit in the last few months…such as a filthy mouth.

Sexy…I don’t get a lot of shit for it (and know some of you would LOVE to chew my ass out a little about him…I have to stop and thank those of you who fall in that category, for not giving me too hard a time about my Shark… consider the sweet satisfaction in rubbing my ex’s nose in my happiness… the leg-shaking earth rocking fun I have with him…and the delicious sexpot he’s turned me into. Scorching hot pornographic dreams certainly don’t hurt.

Domestic… because I garden, cook, can & bake the pants off most people.

Crafty… you’ve seen me through too many Halloween costumes to count… not to mention my ridiculous knitting addiction and Duct tape roses. White trash prom was enough crafty fun to last me a while 🙂

I’m learning, slowly… but I’m trying.

Thanks for hanging in there with me.


I hope you get just what you always wanted…

“You know what I hope you get? Really? A nice hard cock in the rectum…all the way to your throat, you lousy fucking waste of my time.”

I never said I was nice when I was mad… this is my favorite excerpt of tonight’s exchange.

and he should be so lucky as to get what he has wished for…hell I’m hoping he meets the perfect man packing a giant one. In fact… I’ve never wanted to go meet a hung-like-a-horse-bisexual in my whole life. Until now. Now I hope he’s gutted by the giant cock and can’t sit, shit, or walk for a week. Serves his thieving ass right.

Perhaps it wasn’t what he wanted me to share with all his guy friends who were helping him move.

In that case? Don’t mention your weaknesses during our relationship… because I will unabashedly exploit the hell out of them when you least enjoy it.

Like to see me wet? Hmmm. Shouldn’t have mentioned it. I put on my skimpiest bikini and a white dress…and danced in the sprinkler while he packed. Turns you on to see me laughing and singing along with my iPod in the garden? Hmmm… Listen up, bitch. It was bold enough that my mom was laughing.

Love my hair in pigtails? Hmmm.

He’s definitely wishing he didn’t mention that. He was furious as soon as he saw them.

Because if you’re worth your vagina? You can make a man fucking miserable. Pay attention… it’s where women win the battle EVERY time. Men never pay attention, which makes crushing them all too easy.

So I kept his favorite thing on earth- and he stole my boat. My children will probably spit at him if they have the misfortune of seeing him again and I have the unpleasant task of getting my first “Order Of Protection”.

The worst part? The sheriff telling me that they didn’t think he’d come back, unless he was coming back to kill me.

S- You need to go first thing in the morning and get an order of protection. That guy is violent, and wants to harm you.

J- Great. Sorry… Nothing like living that white trash Cops show… I’m so sorry you’re here under these circumstances.

S- I’m sorry he took your boat. We can’t do anything because he licensed it.

J- That’s ok. He can have it. I’m going to have sex on his bed and build a fence with his lumber. The boat doesn’t run… and I kept the carburetor & the key.

S- Blah blah blah- I didn’t hear any of that, but good for you.

The guy has a mean flat top, and no wedding ring… would it be terrible to hit on him? Sorry… I told you… I’m beyond sexually frustrated at this point. I’m ready to drag the sheriff to the tent… LOL

If only to let him hear me scream with satisfaction as he drives my stolen boat away.

It’s on… and if he’s smart? He’ll move away quickly.

The best part of my “Order of protection”? He has to leave anywhere I am… Ha ha ha. I never have to see his dirty, hippie ass ever again.

and if I do?

I get to have him arrested.