Treat Yo Self

The prompt:

Treat yourself to something today. Reminder: this doesn’t have to cost money. Nora’s favorite treat is sitting alone and reading because she is a very exciting person! It can be big or small, whatever works for you and works for today. Write about it! #TerribleWritingClub

I’m a textbook example of mothers who buy their children everything and spend nothing on themselves. I’ve been forced to lately because my clothes don’t fit anymore and I am suddenly very invested in what sort of panties I have on. 

But I hate shopping. Loathe it. Can’t be forced at gunpoint because I’d rather be shot. I can be forced into a shopping mall once a year, for a fake Santa. Other than that, there’s nothing I want or need badly enough that I can’t buy it online and have it delivered right into my hands.

I am buying myself something pretty darn spectacular next week.


A brand new set of boobies. 610 cc Natrelle Cohesive Gel Implants, to be precise. Gummy Bears, as they’re nicknamed. 

I breastfed for a collective total of 6 years and have had saline breast implants for the past 14 that should have been replaced 4 years ago. I’m going from a DD to an F or G. It’s really impossible to say until next Saturday when they measure me for bras. 

The outcry from friends and family over me getting bigger titties, has been entertaining, to say the least. I understand that some of you don’t get it. To each her own, but if I’m buying them, I’m picking out a big ol’ set of gummy bears. 

6 days, 22 hours & 35 minutes from now… I’ll be in recovery and packing some fabulous heat. 

Oh and treating myself to a brand new arsenal of gigantic bras.



Terrible Glitter

The writing prompt: From episode #47 Nathan finds the courage to come out to his very religious parents. He said “And lo and behold I just like threw some glitter in their faces like change of plans, bitch!” Where could your life use some of this glitter-blowing moxie? Whose face could use a little extra shimmer? What change of plans would you make if you had a handful of glitter to blow in someone’s face? #TerribleWritingClub

Well, hell. Why leave anything on the table? This Terrible Writing Club is like fast tracking ten years of therapy into a week.

In a most difficult month, if I had a handful of glitter to blow, I’d throw it in my own face. 

Somehow, regardless of countless, painful lessons… I always manage to want the one man in the room that doesn’t want me. I’ve taken the lazy way out of dealing with it by chalking it up to self preservation and my defense of my beloved single life. I am well aware that I am still just choosing people that remind me I’m not worth more. Call it daddy issues if you’d like, because it’s pretty text book and the thing I hate most about myself.

The latest ache in my heart is my very own successful attempt at one-upping my disappointment in men. If my very favorite man makes me feel disposable, I’m awfully inclined to hate them all. I’m disenchanted and disappointed because I did this to myself.

When I blatantly ignored the painful lessons I’ve already learned the hard way, I was asking for a cold reminder. I got one. Shocker.

So yeah… pass me the glitter or just throw the whole damn jar at me. I could use a solid smack in the head and sparkling on a day I feel like crying sure wouldn’t suck, either.