Tag Archives: Text Messaging

You asked for it.

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Mr. (ex)Boyfriend,

Your endless barrage of text messages is driving me fucking nuts. If you can’t spell the word Y-O-U… don’t bother me. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. I was more than a little nice. I even chose my words carefully. Which is exactly what I’m going to do now, only in a whole new way.

You bore me to tears. Seriously. While you’re very nice, I know that in a matter of months I’d be cheating on you. If not weeks. Just for the opportunity to have an intelligent conversation, if nothing else.

Your jokes aren’t funny and neither is calling your dick a wiener. That’s what my Grandma calls hot dogs. I’d never put a wiener in my mouth. Nuff said.

My ten year old is funnier than you- and can crack jokes at your expense, in your presence, without you knowing. That’s where you lost me. You finding my blog only made it easy to break up with you. I was planning on weeks of working too much and continuing to be emotionally unavailable, which ultimately would have led you to be frustrated to the point of breaking up with ME. Thanks for making it easier and saving me time.

A little advice? Whimpering is for girls – leave the moaning to the chicks. We’re talking a SERIOUS buzz kill! The times you were quiet? I had to bite the insides of my cheeks to keep from calling you the wrong name because I was thinking about someone else.

You telling me how amazing & gorgeous and spectacular I was all the time only led me to one conclusion. I’m out of your league.

Keep those text messages coming if you’d like me to continue.

You should know that being a pain in the ass will get you nowhere with me.

xo Jenni

FML

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Ever seen FML? It’s definitely required web reading.

Fuck My Life.

The same thought that came to mind this morning when I got a text message from Mr. Boyfriend.

R- Ohjenni.com U didn’t want me to see your blog I found it. I was trying to have a relationship with u. What kinda person r u? Wtf. I guess nice guys finish last

Holy fucking Christ on the Cross. Worst case scenario- my age old tactic of ignoring them has backfired. I’m not sure how he found it, but he did <everybody wave hello!> and was busy reading all day according to the stat spike today.

I got the text message in the middle of the lunch rush at work and was absolutely horrified. All I can feel is my phone going off in my pocket. My boss says

A- Get your head in the game, if you need me to text him, I will.

J- No, I’m sure if he’s still reading it will stop at some point.

No. He still wants to date me. Wtf? I’d be pissed off- that’s for sure- and frankly?

I can’t date someone who reads my blog. It doesn’t work. I can’t worry about what someones feelings are going to be in response to something I write… and I worry about that sort of thing. Beyond that? I’ve asked him for a few things and he hasn’t listened to any of them. I’m beyond frustrated that he’s reading my blog now. Damn it… it’s the ultimate violation considering I specifically asked him not to read it.

Deal breaker.

FML.

R we done?

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I’ve handled Mr. Boyfriend in my favorite way. Total and complete silence. No habla girlfriend. I don’t just ignore them, I disappear entirely. I don’t answer phone calls, text messages, emails… nothing.

Piss me off or annoy me, and you’ll be wondering if I moved away in the middle of the night. It’s just my way. It’s how I roll…. and I’ve been in fine form this weekend.

Mr. Boyfriend is extremely frustrated, and I respect that- but I’ve been working all weekend, and I’m exhausted. I fill my very full life with the things I love or enjoy, and he is not one of them right now.

With the glorious text messages from Smarty and Sinful kisses I’ve begun to wonder what I was thinking in the first place. It turns out I really don’t want a boyfriend. Not in the slightest. All these months of wanting one really caught up with me quickly. What the fuck was I thinking?

At any rate- I flirted shamelessly with the Shark last night and if I learned anything… it’s that I’d rather drown in shark infested water than call my Boyfriend back. Not a good sign. Not at all. I want the guy that makes me smile and say…

J- Shark? What Shark? Shark who?

That guy.

So I got up this morning, made myself a delicious bunch of baby fingerling potatoes, mushrooms, shallots, etc. Happy cooking, something that happens when I know I’ve finally turned the page. I ran for a few miles listening to music that makes me want to climb in bed with the right man and took a long hot shower. Singing along and laughing to myself.

and a text message came rolling in. Something that always puts a smile on my face these days. Ugh. Boyfriend. Double UGH. I wanted it to be from Smarty.

R- R we done?

Tempting…. so so so tempting. I’ve heard of people that have broken up with someone via text message… surely I could be an asshole for once? Take the easy route? Text him back a little fucked up English of my own.

J- What was ur first clue?