Fired

For blogging…. regardless of the lame canned excuse I was given, what it boils down to is that the Cunt I’ve had to work under for the past two years played her trump card. She’s known about my blog since I started- and I’ve had to sit on my hands and bite my tongue.

Blah, blah, blah… type, type, type… guess who’s hands are free and whose mouth is open?

Not a good thing when you’re running a business in a glass house.

If they were going to fire everyone that hated her, they’d have to restaff the entire restaurant.

“She’s like the mother of this place” was the line I got.

No. She’s the red-headed step-child we all had crammed down our throats while making a 5th of what she makes an hour. Ever heard of someone making manager wages, writing the schedule, working the best shifts and smoking a half a pack of cigarettes on every 4 hour shift?

I know one.

I called in sick once in 2 years and she had to cover for me on her day off. She had the balls to tell the customers I was sick with a hangover. They told me, saying “She’s such a bitch, why on earth does she work here?”

Good question.

One time in two years I told her I was in the weeds and she flipped out. I’ve never said it since because she’s hostile and will throw something in your face so many times you want to snap.

She’s the server that makes the bussers cry on shift. People complain about her online and to the rest of us.

She’s a walking criticizing hypocritical nightmare- one that I woke up from today and finally realize what a blessing in disguise this is.

I never have to listen to her bullshit again. I never have to acknowledge her ever again and I can wash my hands of the worst human I’ve ever met. I never have to dread walking in to find that she’s covering someone I work with, and I never have to give up shifts to avoid having to work with her again.

I wake up my same self, with a happy heart and a bright future.

She wakes up as Miss Cunt Bag- yet again. She’s facing the same day she’s faced for years. Lonely & alone and destined to stay that way because it’d take a damn fool to sign on to that nightmare.

All in all- I’ll miss my job because I truly liked one of my bosses and all the rest of my co-workers. They’re like an extended family to me…. but.

I’m a single mom, and they fired me without a seconds notice at the first of the month and with no regard to me, based on the fact I didn’t apologize and didn’t take down my blog.

They ushered me in and out with as few words as possible and I saw the writing on the wall…

They’re scared of me. It has everything to do with my blog and nothing to do with my performance- with the text messages to prove it.

This audience is too broad and what I say here- counts. They could silence me and make me endure all the torment that Cunt can dish out while I was working- but they can’t take my freedom of speech away.

Or freedom to blog.

And like I say with any guy I’ve dated- and about the real assholes in my life… if you’re afraid of my blog then you know you’re doing a shitty job.

If you’re afraid of truth, you’re not living it… and if you’re afraid of what I might say? Perhaps you should be more concerned with how you treat people.

When you’re kind and friendly- that’s all people can say about you. The same is true when you’re an asshole.

It’s going to be an interesting day, to say the least. I’ve never filed for unemployment before- I’ve never been fired for that matter.

Cheers… to the future and to never having to take a single ounce of shit from that wretched Cunt, ever again.

AMEN.


Confession #8042

I like hearing no.

Sigh.

Do you know how much that sucks to admit?

Fawn all over me, tell me I’m beautiful and rub my feet? I’ll be mopping the floor with you in a matter of days. For as much as I bitch and moan about wanting a nice guy… I’m the girl that ruins the nice ones.

It’s not that they’re boring… it’s that the balls are already in my court and I’m not even interested enough to pick them up if it’s that easy.

There’s a man in my life that loves me down to my stretch marks. He’d rip someone apart with his bare hands if they so much as touched me and I know unequivocally that every single other person that loves me, would do cartwheels if I threw myself in head first and loved him back. I could have everything I claim to want, in a second…

Happiness is standing in front of me, daring me to say yes.

Nope.

Because I want the platinum ring… not just the brass one. I want to feel about my husband the way that will keep me married. I need to crave the man in my life, if nothing else. I need to like him more than everyone else.

Which means I need to work for it. I deserve a man willing to work his balls off to have me… and I am only too happy to do the same. If it isn’t worth the effort… it isn’t worth it.

I completely recognize my insanity. I realize I should just choose happiness for a change.

I just want more than that.

I’d rather be miserable, lonely and hopeful than resigned, complacent and apathetic.

I’d rather hold out.

Which is exactly what hit me when I woke up wrapped in a bad habit yesterday.

He didn’t mind disappointing me because he couldn’t care less.

If he really likes you? He comes to you.

If he really wants you? It doesn’t matter if it’s midnight on Sunday.

If you’re really special to him… he comes when you want him to at a seconds notice.

and he tells you no when you should hear it.

Because loving a woman isn’t handing over your balls. It’s letting her hold them… and only her.

I want to be loved completely, but I don’t want to be allowed to be a brat. I care about the type of woman I am in a man’s life. I’m not jealous, I’m thoughtful, I’m sexually inexhaustible….  I bake, I cook, I garden, I sew, I make every bad situation, better. I’m a female deadly weapon and I deserve the same. So I’m making a list, if only to remind myself how broken my picker is.

The Absolutes.

1. He must dance. Absolutely not negotiable. I want someone that wants to dance with me.

2. He must be employed. Ambitious too, while we’re at it. I don’t care how much money he makes, I just want him to be capable and financially stable.

3. He must kiss me stupid. I love to kiss, and it’s a buzz kill when you don’t want to kiss someone. It wont last if I don’t love kissing him. It’s positively doomed.

4. He must care about the example he sets, and the kind of role model he is. He must adore my children as much as I do. Preferably his are grown or nonexistent. No offense to anyone, but I don’t want to deal with another babymama in this lifetime.

5. He must have his own life, and pursue his own passions… including trips away from me. I can’t be the center of someone’s life again- it makes me miserable to be around. He must have friends and places to go, etc, and not need me there for everything.

6. He must NOT spoil me, always let me get my way or kiss my ass. I’m a confident woman, I can handle a disagreement and I’ll only lose interest in him if he’s a pushover.

7. He must look out for me and guard my happiness as much as I guarantee his. Without fail and without asking. It should be second nature to him.

8. He must chase me around the house and objectify me and understand if I want to install a stripper pole in my bedroom and take lessons. I’m happiest when desired, loudly. Attention whore? Yeah… that’s fair. It’s easily managed and it should not be a problem.

9. He must be honest to a fault. To the point of telling me I look fat in what I’m wearing. He must love me enough to honor me with the the truth, and respect me enough to be a blessing, not a curse, in my life.

10. He must be willing to walk through fire because I can be a royal pain in the ass when inspired to be, and because I devote myself completely and deserve to know what that feels like in return.

This is precisely why I’m single, lol… because there are women everywhere looking for this one mythical creature.

I’d be better off stockpiling yarn and ending up on that Hoarders show with cashmere stacked from floor to ceiling.

Now that’s bliss…


First Impressions, a RANT.

What I really should do, is quit my job and open a business tailored to helping men sound like someone COMPLETELY DIFFERENT than they are, so that they could be more successful at internet dating.

Because frankly… they’re all so fucking ignorant I want to scream. If I weren’t hand picking the odd balls, I’d want to sew my vagina shut and live in an underground bunker- just to avoid the penis-folk.

I really have to pull out my bitchy soap box this morning though, because out of 19 emails, 2 men have taken the time to spell out the word Y O U. I understand shorthand laziness and I get that 90% of people just write “u”… but I’m not one of them, and when you have nothing but email to rely on for a first impression? Make it fucking count. For crying out loud, be so bold as to use two more letters while typing.

Here’s a sampling… so you can see what I’m fuming about.

Hi j how r u first date meet u in sandpoint for a drink and c where it goes from there what do u think

C where it goes from where? Perhaps you want to meet my … uh… well… shit. I don’t know anyone his age so I guess that’s out. If I introduced him to my mama she’d smack him.


I’m extremely multifaceted, most definitely one of the most interesting individuals you will meet, and I can promise you that! I have seen and done a lot in my days here on the planet EARTH. I tend to have an insatiable appetite for learning, which lends itself to many adventures. I am driven and have an uncanny sense of personal motivation. I am independent; although that can be my biggest strength, it can also be my greatest crutch. I would describe my adventurous ways as a cat, just a little mischievous, but one that will always land on its feet! I guess some, would label this as a free spirit, because I am passionate about humanity in a way that most others can’t touch. I am selfless in ways, which most don’t understand. I give of my time, without thought or payment; more often then most do in their lifetime.
Have I scared you away yet? I promise I don’t bite…

And ya lost me… I love a good biter. lol… BUT. The thought of this man biting me after his rather Thomas-esque 18 page email about how fantastic I am and how magnanimous and charitable he his, makes me throw up in my mouth a little. This guy does everything but email you the title to his mid-life crisis mobile. I understand some men play the sugar daddy card… but I’d rather be poor and exhausted in love than face my wifely obligations with any amount of hesitation.

hi j, i read ur profile and decide to say hi. if u would like to chatt sometime feel free to say hi. by 4 now good luck fishing.

Nevermind school was canceled yesterday due to snow. Nevermind it’s NOT FISHING WEATHER. It’s another one of those UR douche bags. For fuck’s sake, SPELL THE FUCKING WORD. This is your first chance to communicate with someone you potentially want to date, right? Is it really that much to ask that they fake a little intelligence? Please? My bad habit loves Jeopardy, if that tells you anything. Sheesh. This girl… loves smart men ONLY. Don’t even get me started on his decorating decisions or creeper mustache.

Well, the text of your POF profile certainly doesn’t speak very well for the “datin’ pool” of Sandpoint area eligible males!?! ( Altho, since I acually live on four acres out in the country, about eight miles outside the next city, perhaps I don’t fit the pattern you reference )?

Uh… no, you fit every pattern I’ve had the misfortune of coming across, thus far. At 55, you exceed my age requirements by oh… 10 years. Let me guess, you’re a young 55? Ugh. Yuck. No. Sack up and date women your own age and spare me their hate and vitriol when they see you trying to date me. These guys are the worst. They piss off the women I adore by being shallow bottom feeders who have in no way done anything in life that qualifies or absolves them the guilt of, dating someone 20 years younger. He should thank me for not responding. He’d hate my music and I’d end up flirting with his 26 year old son, lol…

Hey beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just thought that I would write to say hello and to see if “u” might like to communicate a little bit for starters????????????

Oh boy… where on earth do I even start. He refers to himself in the third person as a “Savory Morsel” <gag>. He’s 50… and well… absolutely not. I had to post his email because he’s clearly trying to find his way to being a hipster that uses the destruction of Y O U. He had to put quotation marks around his U… he was that uncomfortable. Now that’s funny 🙂

Ha R U?

Uh… I’m scared…. for so many reasons and in so many ways. A man of few words? Um… HA!  I’m not sure where to go from there… other than to show you his profile… in it’s entirety.

Enjoy…

Hi my name is. Dave. I was born in cali
And moved up Here a few years ago
I do like the country. I like to take my
Boat out to the lake Every chance I get.
I do like takin my truck. Or my dirt bike And going off road.
I do like the city life. I like going in watching a live band.
Or just going out on the town.
I do like to go to the movies a lot. Or go have a drink.
Or a nice dinner somewhere. Or run off to vegas for the weekend.
I have a good job.
I would love to find a good Woman.
I know it something you can’t rush.
I just hope someday. I could meet the girl for me

And y’all wonder why I pick the crazies…and Good luck, Dave.

It appears we all need a helluva lot of luck.


Behold… the perfect crazy date.

I don’t even know where to start, other than to walk you down the same path I took to find Josh.

I logged in to check the latest onslaught of email in internet dating world.

Weird old guy, weird old guy, 21 year old frat boy, crazy dad of 7 again, creepy guy from Venezuela again, and Josh.

“you look so sexy and you have a wild side just waiting to come out.I can see it in your eyes.let go and have fun!Josh”

Attached is a picture of him with his wife & two kids… as in babies. WTF?

I click on his profile, knowing a good crazy crackpot when I sense one… and up pops his profile. ooooh yes… we have a winner.

My self-summary
recently reunited with my wife and soooo happy! this site has definatly shown me how lucky i am to have a real woman.Yes we both believe a man can have more than one wife but it must be from God and not us.And to all you feminists who love to send me hate mail just stop.If a man can only have one wife then i suppose you condem half the women in the world to never being married or having children since the statistics show us that there are two women born on earth for every one man.I guess in your mind they are shit out of luck!Not to mention that almost every man in the bible had more than one wife.Im not christian but if you are then how do you explain that?

What I’m doing with my life

I am currently writing a book on theology.I went to school for cosmetology but haven’t got my license in montana yet since the hours are more than colorado where i just moved from.I also do construction and ceramic tile for extra cash.I love to play guitar for fun and would like to start up a band again.

See? You can’t make this shit up- it’s this funny. This dude can dye my hair, fill my nails and save my soul, on a first date?

All in the hopes I may end up a sister wife to an unemployed polygamist.

And they say all the good men are taken…

Pshaw…

This should be interesting.


Guido Baby…

I’ve been bored with my current selection of internet weirdos. They’re all sort of normal. Hmph.

I didn’t check my email until just now… and we have a winner.

Ok so he’s only 21… but he’s a self proclaimed die hard fan of Jersey Shore. <obviously>

He’s looking for his Snookie… and just think…

I could dress up. !!! Crazy internet date + costume= Awesome!!!!!!!

Then I read his email, which only sealed his fate as my next literary lesson in why internet dating is just about as close to hell as you can get without dying.

Dear J,

when ur finished hanging out with Stacy’s Mom, u should strut that bombshell body on up my way. Thurs good 4 u?

Paulie

Oh my yes, Paulie… I wouldn’t miss it for the world…

lol…

Wardrobe suggestions, anyone?