Fairytales do come true…

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They say “She who laughs, lasts”… hmmm… well all I have to say is I’m downright hysterical.

I found my forever. I know it when he looks at me. He sees me picking up something messy and moves to take it out of my hands. He carries heavy things for me. He pulled my trash can in from the end of the driveway…

He met my mom and my daughter today and they both liked him. Honestly he’s a lot like my ex-husband… as odd as that sounds. I actually told him…

J- You’re really going to get along with my kids’ dad.

R- Huh?

They have similar interests. They’re both rooted in a foundation of integrity. They both love a sweet set of subs and they could bond over paintball wars. They would be friends. My mom loved him. My baby girl got high centered on the mower, he helped her and she gave him the stamp of approval.

He doesn’t have his own children, but he was clearly born in the wrong century, just like me. He’s 6 years younger than me. He’s absolutely every bit of my type down to the letter, while being a true blue Ward Cleaver kinda perfect boyfriend. He opens every door for me, including to the car. He stands when I get up from the table. He walks on the outside of me. He holds my hands at the table. I’m sad my Grandpa didn’t meet him to see that I finally got it right.

I deserve every delicious ounce of this amazing man. Breakfast, lunch & dinner dates… a million laughs and sweet gentlemanly respect.

Anybody can be a hoarder. It takes a real man to be Superman.

He hugs me and I know he would kill anyone who would harm me with his bare hands. He’s silky smooth and shiny bald. He has perfectly manicured nails, a beautiful smile and eyes that sparkle at me. He even blushes sometimes when I grin at him.

I’m so happy I’m getting hit on by strangers.

I stopped at the gas station to get a soda and some change for my work bank and the guy behind the counter stood up a little straighter.

G- Well hello there miss, what can I get for you? Going somewhere fun?

J-Yep, work! Can you break this change for me?

G- Like you’re breakin’ hearts?

Uhh… awkward. He’s hot… but who the hell cares. Not me. I’ve come to the promised land and I have my very own Prince Charming. I left smiling, and flew to work. Walking in, one of the guys smiles at me and says…

T- You have a beautiful smile. Seriously- like you’re lit up from the inside. Thank you for bringing your pretty happy smile to work with you.

It’s because I am lit from the inside out and stupid crazy about the RIGHT guy for a change. OMG. Write it down.

Mid shift as I’m waiting for a table, he comes walking in with his mother. She’s wonderful, he’s smiling and I’m red as a raddish. He grins at me, blushes…

R- You look beautiful, how’s work?

Any man who compliments you in front of his mother is one worth bragging about, but this man is nothing short of worth rambling on and on about… obviously, lol. Watching him visit with his mom is right up there with seeing him holding a newborn baby. He’s a genuine gentleman and treats the women in his presence like they ought to be.

He tipped me $60 and told me to call him if he could help me with the garden the next day. All I could do was grin. He leaves me speechless- which is truly saying something for me.

This new life of mine is full of everything I ever wanted. A new job with a boss that treats me with respect, but also like a friend and she genuinely wants to know our opinions. My new co-workers are nothing short of a team of new girlfriends/sisters. I know now, just how horrible my last job was- and more than anything? What an asshole my old boss was. I’ll never let some pipsqueak chauvinist control my financial stability EVER again and I’m sorely tempted to send them a thank you letter for not wasting another minute of my time helping people who don’t appreciate the backs their business is built on.

Never. Again.

I’ll never date an asshole either, never another douche bag. I’ll never be cheated on again.

I far prefer this fairytale princess gig I’ve got going these days. I like being treated like a lady, both by the man in my life and equally as much by the people I’m working for. Miss Faith, a dear friend of mine and co-worker, smiled at me yesterday and said…

F- You’ve come so far. You’re not apologizing for everything anymore. You aren’t running around trying to accommodate everyone at your expense and you are living the life you want, doing the things you need to change your life for the better and look? It’s obvious, and you are much happier. I’m really proud of you.

True story.

When I stopped trying to keep the world happy and I changed the things in my own life that made me sad?

I woke up to my very own fairytale, complete with my very own Prince Charming.

Make wishes on stars, pray for the things you really want… but most of all? Have faith in yourself and DO SOMETHING about the things that make you miserable. Even baby steps add up, and after a while? You’ll be running miles in the life you always wanted.

Ten inches off the ground

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I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life. A month ago I was scared to death, pissed off and on the damn warpath. Washing my hands of the worst parts of my life and the people that made it harder.

Pausing. Gardening. Breathing.

Finding happiness in being alone. Swimming in solitude and realizing that I like my own company and being alone doesn’t have to equate to being lonely.

Burning a few douche bags & whores at the stake, and deservedly so. I don’t have time in my life for people who don’t give a shit about their character, honor and self respect. If someone doesn’t give a shit about their own personal worth? Why on earth would I? How on earth can anyone?

I’m worth so much more than a vagina hoarder or a Thomas Murray. I don’t like mice… why would I ever try to love one- or worse, think I could change a rodent into a man?

While I have a broad skill base- I don’t have a magic wand, and if I did? I wouldn’t waste it on a douche bag.

I washed the smell of hoarder off my hands and met a brand new girlfriend in the process. We bleached our hands together- and laughed when we realized that ultimately the Karma fairy is a funny woman, because in feeling betrayed you see a whole lot clearer than you do when you’re blinded by charm… or bullshit. We’re a lot alike <shocker, lol> and it’s going to be fun spending time with a new girlfriend.

So she lost a cheating boyfriend, and I lost a friend. The two of them deserve each other and my new girlfriend and I deserve better. It would have been sad if it hadn’t happened. The Karma fairy finally put her foot down and set us both free. Phew. Clever bitch that she is? She gave them the ultimate punishment. Each other. Lol…

But it gets even better. As it does when you’re striving to live your life well and trying to find peace in yourself instead of in any outside force or vice. I forced myself to stop and change everything. New job. Bike rides after dinner. Time spent in the garden and knitting. Getting rid of the excess garbage in my life, including people.

and I finally agreed to a date with my girlfriend’s brother… and was absolutely stunned by the most amazingly thoughtful man I’ve ever met, as a result.

He’s not just a little nice- he’s damn amazing.

I deleted all my internet dating profiles. I closed my little black book and threw it away.

I changed my relationship status on Facebook… and we all know it’s legit once that happens- because it’s damn hard to take that shit back.

He’s a male version of me. He’s thoughtful and offers to help me, compliments me and spoils me rotten with kindness. He calls to ask if I need anything from the grocery store- offers to drop off anything if my daughter needs it while I”m at work. I’m still at work after 11 last night and he offers to come over. I’m exhausted… but I’m also dying to see him. I tell him I have an hour before I’ll be out cold… and he laughs at me and tells me he’s just happy to see me.

I’m falling asleep when he comes in- and I don’t have the energy to fake it. I have on the most ridiculous outfit you’ve ever seen. My pink cupcake sweats, my “I’m on the naughty list” t-shirt and polka dot socks. I’m weary and yawning.

He walks in like the angel he is in my life. He brought another movie for me to watch if I’m exhausted the next day. He climbs on my bed and pulls me into his lap, laying my head on his leg while he massages my back- asking how my first night was.

I’m sleepy rambling about how much I love my new job, my coworkers… and just being treated like an adult in general. A whole different level of respect and actual management with a solid team of people all determined to work together to make it as good as it can be. His hands are running strong soothing paths down my spine. My sore muscles are melting back into squishy goodness as he asks me questions and tells me about his day. He’s easing the stress in my body while being emotionally supportive? I’m counting my lucky stars, and telling him just how thankful for him I am…and I fall asleep.

I woke up this morning, tucked in with a love note, feeling bad about falling asleep on him and thankful that he exists.

I promised myself I wouldn’t date. I climbed out of the pool…

But I’d be a damn fool if I didn’t do my best to be equally as wonderful to him as he is to me.

Life is looking pretty damn spectacular these days.

The Karma Fairy can be pretty damn amazing when she wants to be, and when you deserve it.

Perfectly Nice

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I’m a little twitterpated… and how could I not be?

It’s been so long since I dated anyone remotely honorable or respectful, it’s sad. I’m so out of practice that he leaves me speechless. It may be early… but damn it I’m delighted to name a man something nice for a change.

Mr. Integrity is turning my preconceived notions about men, upside down.

I’m swimming in nice words, offers of help and/or just to drop off some ice cream in the mailbox.

My darling child is vomiting in a most exorcist-like way. I’ve done 8 loads of laundry and watched 6 hours of Glee with her today. My big plans of cleaning the whole house before starting back to work full time tomorrow have long since been thrown under the bus. Nothing really sucks more than holding your baby while she cries and the grape juice she drank splashes up out of the toilet all over your new shirt.

I’m holding my breath and bleaching everything she touches or breathes on… and my phone is buzzing happily in my pocket.

God bless him for the distraction, my reality is no fun today. I’ve seen things today that defy explanation after my 17 years of motherhood. This poor kid is being destroyed by her own stomach and can’t keep so much as a sip of water down. She gave up trying a few hours ago and has drifted in and out of teary bouts of losing her last ice cube. I’m keeping my distance because I work for the next 5 days straight and I’m SO excited about my new job. Not only can I not afford to get sick (both literally and figuratively) I am so damn excited I can hardly sleep with anticipation.

I didn’t expect this amazing man making his entrance into my life right now. I honestly had given up hope.

On a week that challenged my faith in women as well- I’m stunned silent by genuine kindness for the first time in my life.

He doesn’t just have nice words- he’s willing to do anything I need help with. Help me with the horrid garden fence, help me figure out what’s wrong with my car… or something so simple as pick up anything my heart desires.

I talked to him on my way out of the library yesterday and was bitching and moaning about people not returning things because I’m dying to see the second season of The Tudors… and he tried to find it for me today in the next city over. He asks my favorite color. He offers to help do laundry, plant potatoes or just drop off ice cream and go.

He doesn’t need the credit because he cares about being the man that changes my mind about his gender.

I- Looks like you could use some help in that garden- do you sell some of those potatoes?

J- Yeah… but I love to can too… I was born in the wrong century.

I- No you weren’t. If you’d been born any other time I wouldn’t have the pleasure of meeting you, dating you, and hopefully… more.

Intention, expressed. Actions, followed by words. Man… with a soul…. and hand chosen & entrusted to me, by one of my best friends.

He apologizes when he doesn’t respond to my text messages immediately. Huh? There’s no bullshit little kid games designed to make me wonder and guess if he’s just ignoring me or anything stupid and childish like that. He cares about my perception enough to explain the delay. Whoa.

He stunned me silent while I was in the midst of gagging over more throw-up laundry. I’d sat down in the laundry room, exhausted and overwhelmed… facing my first day and feeling like I’ve been awake for a week.

I- I just want to say thank you, and I can’t believe you were single when I came along. I don’t see how anyone is willing to let you go.

Blink, blink, blink… in a good way for a change.

I feel like the luckiest girl on earth.

Like a hate song…

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It’s not very often you get to sing along while you read a hate blog… right?

Let’s just call this a special occasion, celebrating a new contributor who wishes to remain anonymous.

Everyone knows you reap what you sow… but you might as well sing while you’re reaping.

I hate you like a hate song
It’s been said and done every ugly thoughts been already sung and i guess right now here’s another one so your melody will play on and on with the worst of em’ ….
You are ugly like a  douche come alive in reality… a loser, a liar, it’s a miracle…
That you’re still alive today…
…and i want you to know BABY…

Chorus:
I, I hate you like a hate song like a hate song baby…
I .. I hate you like a hate song baby,
I..I hate you like a hate song baby…
and I wish you the worst, worst, worst, worst, worst.
I , I hate you like a hate song baby
I, I hate you like a hate song baby…
I, I hate you like a hate song baby.
and I wish you the worst, worst, worst, worst, worst.

Constantly, boy you played with my heart like a psychopath…
There’s no way to describe your depravity.
You just mess with me. That’s your move?
And it feels like I’ve been rescued. I’ve been set free.
I was hypnotized, by  dishonesty-
You’re despicable, horrible, miserable…
You are.
And I want you to know baby…

…Chorus…

Noone compares, you stand alone- to every douche bag I’ve known.
Music to my heart, that’s what stats are-
A number that climbs on…. and on…

…Chorus…

Oh my… now that THAT is a Disney channel hit I can get behind.

:)

 

Nothing prepared me…

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Wait for it…

…. …. ………… On the worst of weekends I can remember in a long time…

A perfect date.

Not only a perfect date, but an absolutely perfect gentleman. Complete with door opening skills and everything.

One of my darling friends has been bugging me for a while.

B- Come on… just one date. I would not fix you up with my brother if I didn’t know for sure he’d treat you kindly and with the respect you deserve. I’m giving him your number.

I agreed… and he invited me to dinner last night.

On the heels of quite a nightmare weekend, I was tempted to cancel all day. I spent the afternoon with a new girlfriend and washed my hands of the stupid damn hoarder.

Fuck that guy- he’ll never waste a second of my time again and I wont waste another tear, another ounce of my self respect or another syllable on him. He’s a tragic example of what men have come to represent in my life. Liars, cheats and unapologetic bastards. That’s been my experience, so it’s no wonder he appealed to me- he’s the king of douche bags. He actually makes Thomas Murray look like a decent human being. Hell… at least Thomas didn’t cycle through my Facebook friends list looking for his next victims.

I was dreading my date tonight, to be completely honest. I haven’t slept in days- I haven’t eaten. My stomach was flip flopping from hunger and heartache and I was a nervous wreck. I was praying as the clock ticked closer to his arrival that I wouldn’t be attracted to him and could completely relax.

He’s a brand new transplant- and the big brother of a woman I love like a sister. How bad could it be… right?

He pulled up to pick me up and oh. Oh. Oh. Shiny bald… beautiful arms- and a smile I already love because it resembles the friend I miss so much.

He opened my door. He looked as nervous as I was, which was instantly comforting. His truck was sparkling clean… like he just drove it off the lot.

J- Ok… you’re never allowed in my car.

G- I cleaned it today, ha ha ha…

He opens doors. He has perfect manners. He tells me several times to order anything I want and laughs when I admit openly that I’m painfully shy and awkward at times.

G- You’re incredibly beautiful- you don’t need to feel shy around me.

Stunned silent in the first 15 minutes…. and we both end up blushing.

I’m indecisive when I’m shy. I don’t want to commit to wanting anything. I’m the original “Whatever sounds good to you” girl. He smiles and orders the sampler, offering me a chicken wing when our odd waiter drops the plate at our table.

J- I’m kind of funny about meat on the bone.

Blushhhh…. we’re both fighting grins and red as beets. Our waiter is making things as painfully awkward as possible. He didn’t appear to hear a thing we say and for two shy people this is tantamount to torture. Oddly enough we order the exact same thing. He eats his steak the same way I do. He has impeccable table manners.

Be still my heart.

He smiles a smile so genuine that I feel it to my toes. I owe my girlfriend Tiffany or Coach for Christmas. I’d forgotten what it felt like to actually enjoy a date, with a really nice guy, who’s also super cute and completely respectful.

The overwhelming feeling of being in his presence? I felt safe & protected. An overwhelming feeling of being in the presence of a real man with real integrity and real character sweeps over me and I blush again and thank him for reminding me that dating is supposed to be fun.

He says the one thing I really needed to hear, without even knowing it.

G- My parents raised me to treat women like I”d want my mother or sister to be treated. I’m kind of shy but I pride myself on being a gentleman.

Blink. Blink. Blink.

It hits me like a train when he smiles and I realize something.

Nice girls attract nice men.

If you’re going to sell out for less than you deserve then you’re going to wake up next to it too.

I’ve been pissed off all weekend over a very close friend dropping her self respect and decency to climb in bed with the stupid Vagina Hoarder. I’ve really grieved losing what I always thought was a dear friend. I expect it from the hoarder- I did not expect it from her.

This beautiful man treating me kindly and with respect taught me a powerful lesson.

I didn’t lose anything- in fact- I’d actually like to thank them both, if I didn’t want to spit in both of their faces. Baby steps… maybe someday.

I gained a brand new girlfriend. I learned the truth about another one and I read a whole lot of text messages from that same  girl I thought was my friend. Anybody willing to sell out and sleep with someone that hurt her girlfriend is nothing more than a garden variety idiot. It’s not my fault and nothing I could do or say to her will compare to what he’ll put her through.

Douche bags of a feather, flock together…. and I’d rather have a prince than a disease infested rodent.

It’s ok to expect people to treat you kindly and with respect when that’s how you move through your own life. I’m an amazing friend- and I go out of my way to express my love and appreciation for my friends. I remember birthdays and I will joyfully make you the best damn homemade soup you’ve ever eaten if you get sick. My mom is the only family I have here with the exception of my children, so my girlfriends are the sisters I’ve hand picked. I treasure and celebrate them.

Oh but when you break that trust? You’re an enemy. Better than that? You’re a moving target I will happily slaughter for stats. Push me far enough and you’ll find your face on my blog- just ask Thomas- and I’d be willing to bet it will be your least favorite picture. My bases are covered by the letter of the law and a savvy attorney.

I sat at my dinner date, feeling good for the first time in days and slowly warming up to the idea of actually dating this beautiful creature. This guy is actually amazing.

And?

He’s an over-tipper… which compliments me indirectly because I’m a server. He probably tipped the guy 34-40%. Enough that the guy stopped, looked at the check and coughed out a stunned “thank you”. We left and he opened my car door, he drove me home and asked if he could walk me to the door. I declined.

He didn’t make a single move to touch me, but smiled at me once more and said…

G- I would love to see you again. Thank you for letting me take you out.

J- Thank you for dinner- I’ll see you soon.

Grins all around and a text message a few minutes after, thanking me again while telling me he wished we had miniature golf in town so the night didn’t have to end early.

See?

I’ve joked for a long time that I was not picking another date for myself and lo and behold… my darling Miss Blogtastic went and hit one out of the park.

Shiny bald… tattoos…beautiful arms… but more than the hot packaging he’s wrapped in? He’s genuine and redeemable. A real live good man with honor and integrity.

My very own wonderful example that when you value yourself first- and when you respect yourself in spite of the assholes and whores you’re surrounded by?

The right guy can walk right up and show you just how right you are.

I can’t wait to see him again- and it feels pretty damn amazing to know I could date him endlessly and be nothing but delighted and respected for the pleasure of my company. How do I know that?

Because he said so- and he was hand chosen by a real friend who put it better than I can.

B- You deserve a good man, and even if it doesn’t work out in the end, he’s the guy that will continue to get in touch with you just to see how your life is and to be your friend. He’s loyal like that. I’m glad you finally agreed to a blind date.

That makes three of us…. :)